it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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