I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
