I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
