so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No subtext here. People are naked.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
