U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Come on in and take your pants off
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