I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
