His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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