Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
