she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
