I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
