i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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