You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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