During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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