i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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