I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
