Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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