bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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