Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
