He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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