He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
