I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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