be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
