Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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