booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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