Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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