Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
