My room smells like vodka and shame
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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