if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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