i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
