we're chasing vodka with high fives
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will pee on everything he values.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
