...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
