i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
