He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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