Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
