I will die if light touches me.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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