I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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