i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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