so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Too much gin, very little bucket
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
