It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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