So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
