I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
