the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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