Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
