chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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