if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
