i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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