its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
