Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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