Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
