She's JV to your varsity
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
