i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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