We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
