apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
