going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
