my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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