I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
