I want to walk on stilts...naked
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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