T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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