I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
