Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
