i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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