I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
