I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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