I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
