Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
