Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
